First published April 2019, after Virginia’s 63–62 Final Four win over Auburn.
Class is what remains when the final buzzer is not the one you wanted.
This year March Madness, like most years, was filled with excitement, drama, and extraordinary physical talent and skill. Yet what really stood out this year was emotional intelligence: control of personal emotions, awareness of others’ emotions, and the presence and leadership to influence others toward a positive, healthy, respectful outcome for all.
While many fans at U.S. Bank Stadium in Minneapolis were more than disheartened by the calls in the Virginia vs. Auburn game on Saturday, the announcers and coaches showed what I call pure class.
Charles Barkley, announcer and Auburn alumnus, was visibly upset that his team lost. Even so, he reacted and conducted himself with emotional intelligence.
Three steps of emotional intelligence shown by Barkley:
- He admitted he could cry, he was so saddened by the outcome for Auburn. (Awareness and naming of emotion.)
- He was aware that not all of the fans he was speaking to as an announcer were unhappy about the game’s outcome. (Awareness of others’ emotions.)
- He was complimentary of Virginia’s talent and respectful of the game officials. He did not undermine the referees or the calls that influenced the final outcome. (Influencing others toward a positive, healthy, respectful outcome for all.)
My friends, it is that simple and that hard. What is hard is that when emotions run high, our wise-thinking prefrontal cortex is not engaged, because our brain is hardwired to protect us in high-stress situations. Even though it is “just a game,” the Final Four holds a lot at stake—whether real, as a player, or perceived, as a fan. In these highly emotional moments, our amygdala hijacks objective thought, and we revert to immature behavior. It takes skill and practice to override those impulses and wait until we can calm down and access our maturity and wisdom.
Believe it or not, Charles Barkley showed us what it looks like to overcome those emotions: be aware of them, name them, do not hide them, then move forward by noticing others’ emotions and empathizing with them. That is hard, especially when their emotions are not the same as yours. Finally, he did the most important thing a leader can do: he worked to influence those around him toward the positive goal of enjoying a sporting event—wins, losses, and all.
Think about the next time the stakes are high and emotions run higher. What can you do to bring out the brilliance of those around you with emotionally intelligent behavior?